It feels like forever since that day.
This week has been one of much reflection for me. I was told on Friday, June 28th last year that Dave would not make it through the night. But he was a strong, strong man, clear up until the end, and a week later, he crossed the finish line of this life.
That was the longest week of my life. I have reflected much this past week on what we were all walking through a year ago. I sit today and think "How did I do it? What kept me functioning for an entire week of waiting on such a painful moment?" I remembered the nights of not having a nurse here all night and having to set my alarm every two hours to go see if he was still here or to give him his pain meds. I remember the nights when I had a nurse here and I would awaken with every step in the house wondering if they were coming to get me because it was time. I remember my friend calling me from church on Sunday morning so I could listen in on the worship that morning. I remember friends stopping by with a coffee or just to sit with me. I remember the many hours spent by his bed, holding his hand because I was determined to be there when Jesus took his other hand and welcomed him home. I remember the hours of waiting... I remember so much about that week...
I have also reflected on my year of healing. I think part of what makes it so hard to believe that it has been a year, is because of where I sit today.
It has been a year of discovery for me.
It has been a year of deep pain for me.
It has been a year of continued faith walk for me.
It has been a year of seeing what I am made of.
It has been a year of setting goals and reaching them.
It has been a year of days of loneliness.
It has been a year of support.
It has been a year of deepening friendships.
It has been a year of AMAZEMENT at the way God has blessed me and provided for me!
It has been a year of challenges.
It has been a year of at times, disappointments.
It has been a year of divine appointments.
It has been a year of LIVING!
It has been a year of learning to be content and embrace the journey, even when it is HARD!
It has been a year of God moving and directing.
I am a one year old widow today. One year. I feel like it has been forever since that day. I feel like I have done life alone for much longer than one year.
But today, I don't walk in sadness. Which honestly has surprised me. I rejoice in knowing where he is today and has been for the past 365 days! I wonder what he has done, who he has talked to, what he thinks and feels. Someday, I will know!
I rejoice knowing that when life is hard, we have two options...to grow bitter or better. I did not want to sit at the end of this journey of grief and be an angry, questioning, not trusting my Savior person! I wanted to be whole, healthy, and trusting in the goodness of God! I am so blessed and thankful to sit today, embracing this life journey that God has given me! My story is not over, He is still writing it. And I trust that the best is yet to come!
I thought I would write a letter to Dave today and share it with you, my blog friends!