Just Me

Thursday, November 27, 2014


I have done a lot of reflecting today. Reflecting over the past year. Not just the 2014 year, but thinking about where I was last year facing the upcoming holiday season.

This year has had some high highs and low lows. Of course, this being Thanksgiving, I am thinking about the things I am truly thankful for...

I am thankful for healing. Last year, this was by far the hardest day of the holiday season. I remember I could not get past the void I felt...the empty chair that was next to me on that holiday. I fought tears the entire day, even as I was eating dinner with my family. I still feel the void, but it is much easier this year. 

I am thankful for those who have walked with me through this year. This has been a really hard year for me personally. I have battled things that only those closest to me know about. I so appreciate them listening to all of my whining (and there has been a LOT of it)...and letting me cry out! I really needed that support and it is truly appreciated! Love you!!

I am thankful for change!!! One year ago, I was 50lbs heavier...today I ran. I have worked hard to get myself in a healthier place and I have learned so much through this process! I ran my very first official 5K and a passion for running was birthed in me! I had almost 2 months of knee issues that put me in a non-running place and I was so scared I would not get to run again...but I am! I lost a lot of what I had build, but I am rebuilding. Running is therapy! It's my happy place! It is mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. I have learned so much about myself and beat many things I didn't think I could beat!! Now to get off that last 20 lbs...(today probably won't help that endeavor!)

I am thankful for provision! God has provided for me and my family in crazy amazing ways! I am facing a big loss of income starting in January, and I know though it may be tough and faith shaking, God will provide for me...cuz He promises He will! 

I am thankful that His ways are not my ways. This is a bittersweet mindset because truth be told, I really want my way. But there is such comfort in those words...when I see chaos, pain, disappointment, loneliness, even an empty chair, I can rest knowing this is not where my story ends! Early this year, the Lord gave me a word that I have clung to frequently, "No matter how today's page in the book of my life looks, the enemy does not get to write the final chapter!" I don't understand why He does what He does, or allows what He allows, but I can trust, rest, and KNOW...

He redeems! 
He restores! 
His plan prevails! 
He loves! 

I am thankful for those around me today that I love. As a single mom, it's me and my kids! I am thankful for each of them and I am so thankful that I don't spend this day alone...I get to enjoy it with them!! (plus a few others!) 

I am thankful for HOPE! There have been many times this year when hope was absent from my mind and my heart. Times I had to just choose to believe the promises of the Word, and there were times that I didn't really believe and I doubted. Everything I saw in front of me wasn't making sense and seemed void of hope. But God does fill our hearts with that hope we need when we plant our feet on His truth. And I am thankful for the grace He pours on me when I doubt.

I am thankful...thankful for a wide open future. Thankful that I can embrace the adventure. Thankful for a loving Abba Bridegroom who never leaves me and loves me like no other! I am thankful that He has a plan for me and it is good and full of hope! Today, I am thankful that His ways are not my ways...

I am thankful for those who have walked through my journey in the blog world...thank you for reading my words, my heart, my story, my journey...

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!!!

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