Just Me

Saturday, February 8, 2014

218 Days Later...

This is a blog of confession for me. Tonight was one of the nights that I have dreaded. For two years, Dave and I had the privilege of attending the Marriage Resource Center Sweetheart Dinner and Dance. This was the PERFECT night for us. Dave was not a "romantic" type of guy. He was good about buying a card and a gift for these "special" events in our life. So this dinner was a win-win for us. I LOVED to get prettied up for my man and there was no getting around the romantic side of the evening. I do not "dance", no rhythm. But I can slow dance and he willingly would dance at least once with me that evening. I LOVED this event. I loved that it celebrated marriage with a wonderful focus. I loved that we attended with our friends. I loved that it made a couple connect for a while. 

Last year, we could not attend. Dave's health was failing and he was just not up to an evening out like that. So, I sat at home and did my best to smile and be happy for all of my friends who were prettied up for their men, but I wanted to bawl. I was so envious. I knew what was ahead for us. I knew that would be our last Valentine's Day together and I really wanted it to be special. But his health didn't allow that. We were beyond that. 

Tonight was this years dinner and dance. I have dreaded this day for a while now. Another big reminder that I am doing life "alone". I have been bracing for it, praying about it, HOPING that I could just be happy for all of my friends who had the gift of tonight and not have a big ol' Stephanie pity party the whole evening. I have blogged before of my lifestyle change that I have made (here is a confession Isagenix friends) Ghiradalli sells dark chocolates with strawberry filling every Valentine's Day and I LOVE them...I bought a bag to "sweeten" up the bitterness of this night (and the coming V-Day). Yup...I was gonna eat me some chocolate to feel better. 

I did have some fun plans this morning. I went to Disney on Ice with my mom, my sister in law and niece, and both of my girls were supposed to go, but one got sick. So, I was thankful I had something to occupy part of my day. But we got home early afternoon and I REALLY did not want to sit around all evening and fall into that trap. 

I posted on facebook about my evening, and a friend reminded me that we were having a special prayer and healing night at our church and she asked me if I wanted to come. I had forgotten all about it. So, I decided to go. (I guess that is one advantage to single living...you can just GO) So I did. 

As we stood and sang and prayed and many were prayed for, the Lord moved and spoke to me. Some things are just too personal to share with the world, but he poured HIS love over me. He reassured me that He has good things in store for me and He is doing a "NEW" thing in my life this year. 

He gave me a burden for a little boy in our church that has some health issues. Tears filled my eyes as I watched his mom and dad carry him to the front to have him prayed over. It has been a while since I felt such a strong pull from the Lord over a specific person. I prayed for him and I am trusting that the Lord is going to bring TOTAL healing to his little body. Thank you Jesus for the body of Christ who shares in our heartaches and burdens. 

As we continued to sing, the Lord was speaking to me more. He truly poured Himself over me to over-flowing. 

I am not alone. I didn't dance at the dinner tonight with so many that I know, but I spent some quality time with my Heavenly Bridegroom. I wasn't alone. I sat with sweet sisters that I love. People that God has given me to make life so much sweeter. I got hugs from dear people that I truly love. 

I was afraid of feeling alone. I was afraid of being heavy hearted tonight. 

God changes everything. God fills those empty places in our hearts. God meets every single need. God leads. God speaks. God loves. And He loves perfectly, unconditionally. 

No pity party tonight for me...more like a Praise Party. 

Thank you Jesus, for seeing this woman. Thank you for reaching out and holding me. I love you!

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