TODAY...I have a 6th grader, a Junior, and a SENIOR! UGH!!! I remember as a kid hearing one of my mom's friends state to her that every time she had a Senior (and she had 6 kids) it was an emotional year for her. I didn't get it then. I do now! All the lasts, thinking that this time next year, odds are we will be a family of 3 in this house. (AND I will have ANOTHER Senior!) There are many life changes in the coming school year. I have a feeling having a Senior this year will create a whole new realm of emotions! I am VERY thankful and feel so blessed though to have her in a great Christian school this year! (That is proof of Rom 8:28!!!)
TODAY...I am a routine fanatic. Routine helps me in so many ways! We have not had what feels like a "Normal" routine for months! Today marks a start of routine for me. I am still not babysitting, I plan on starting that up towards the end of Sept. I still have some appointments to take care of and a LOT of sorting and organizing in my home. But, routine is so good for me. So with the start of routine, brings some emotions. On one hand, the fact that routine is so beneficial in my life, makes me happy. I know I am more disciplined when there is schedule. I will accomplish more and be more on top of things. But I also know that today marks the "New Normal" for us. THIS is what life is going to be like without Dave. THIS is how day to day will feel. THIS is what we are going to experience. THIS is when it will all hit us...
TODAY...is an ugly anniversary. It was 1 year ago today that we heard the words "Non-curable Cancer". I remember that very surreal moment sitting in the Dr's office. It was SO hard to believe. Dave appeared completely healthy. He had NO symptoms of cancer at all. He was working hard at his job at MAG and it was going so well. We were faced with decisions of trying a trial drug or just letting what happens happen. We left that appointment and went to eat dinner together. Both of us somber and quiet. Tears filled eyes as we sat and ate at Wendy's. I could barely eat, sick over our news. I remember looking at him and saying, "Dave, if cancer takes your life, the truth is, YOU WIN! You get Jesus!" And less than a year later, he got Jesus!
TODAY...I miss Dave. I miss being married. I miss fixing a cup of coffee for him every day and packing his lunch. I miss doing his laundry. I miss his occasional text message telling me he loved me. I miss his kisses. I miss his strong arms around me. I miss him.
TODAY...my life is SO different. I am walking the trail of grief. I am thankful that I have more good days than bad. I am thankful for the MANY adventures we have all had in the past 47 days! Life has not been all bad! I am thankful that through the journey of deep sorrow, I have experienced true joy...God has blessed and poured himself over me in many ways. He has redeemed some of the pain I have experienced. Through it all...
TODAY....
EVERY DAY...
I can say, God is good! ALL the time! No matter what!
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