Just Me

Sunday, March 30, 2014

268 Days Later...New Mercies...

Less than 48 hours ago, I was on here pouring out the pain I was walking in that day. I was really, REALLY struggling to grasp the truth I know and not the emotions I was feeling. I pictured myself in the ocean, sinking in the water, doing all I could do to grab onto a rock that was slippery from the huge, crashing waves...my arms were trying to hold on, but I just could not get a grasp on that rock...

I have walked through a lot of thoughts. I have cried more tears than I thought possible. I have shared with dear friends as they listened and lovingly supported. I have even enjoyed some time out with my son and friends last night...which helped so much! 

All those are good for us. One of the most valuable life lessons I learned through grief is that I DO need to feel. I don't have to be strong. I CAN fall apart. I NEED to release that emotion. 

And then, I HAVE to grasp truth. I have to climb up on that Rock, in the middle of the storms and crashing waves, and focus on my Redeemer that is walking towards me and saying, "Trust me. You CAN walk on this stormy water!" And then, bravely put one foot in front of the other and walk into His open, loving arms.

And that is where I am today. 

I think about where I was 48 hours ago. My circumstances have not changed. My hurt didn't change. And if you asked me what was going on, the tears would probably flow again. But my view is different. My hope is secure. My eyes are on the prize. 

I know me pretty well after 42 years...but my Jesus knows me better. I know what I have to do to replant and refocus. I flood my heart and mind with good worship that encourages what I am choosing not to believe. I read the Word or a good book to encourage doing what I really do not want to do. And thankfully, since He knows me better than I know myself, He brings truth to my mind and heart that I need to hear! But then, it comes down to letting go and trusting the One who will not fail. My pride gets in the way. I don't want to admit I was holding onto something tighter than I was holding onto Him and His truth. I have to admit to myself that there was something in my life, though very real and painful, that I was focusing on instead of Him...oh our sinful, human nature. I look forward to the day when it will no longer get in my way! 

Jesus reached out to me...actually, He never stops reaching out to us. His arms are always outstretched welcoming us. As my Abba, I can climb up on His lap like a little girl and cry or laugh or just sit and let Him hold me. As my Bridegroom, He looks at me with perfect, complete, adoring eyes and His love flows into my life. I am so thankful for that beautiful truth! He thinks I am amazing and beautiful! He loves what He sees in His creation. Today, I am walking in the love of my Jesus! And I am thankful, even in the midst of my circumstances...His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me! 

Today at church, our worship reached me. We sang a song that I LOVE...about the Father's love for us. If I am honest, I wasn't walking in that on Friday. I was even doubting His goodness and love for me. I FELT like He had abandoned me...although I knew He had not! So, I share this song with you now...His love NEVER fails, never gives up, never runs out on me!
Today I am thankful...I am thankful that His love does remain and NOTHING can ever change that. Thankful for the Rock that I can stand on! Thankful for a Savior who holds me and loves me. I am blessed!

His mercies are NEW every morning...GREAT is His faithfulness!

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