Just Me

Saturday, December 21, 2013

169 Days Later...

This has been a LONG, draining week for me. My oldest has not made much progress in recovery since her surgery Tuesday. I was hoping by now she would feel better. Which adds a stress to the holidays that I didn't expect! I am somewhat frustrated with myself, for doing this before what will be a difficult holiday as it is. I am just praying by Christmas morning, she has improved some so we can enjoy it as much as we can.

Today, I wanted to share a word the Lord gave me in my devotions this morning. It really encouraged my heart which is feeling heavy after another week of nursing someone this year. And I am feeling rather lonely. Again. 

My passage was Luke 2:1-20, which is fitting for the season we are in...(no this is not a dated devotional, just happened to be today's page).

The writer begins talking about God being the author of time. That the Bible begins with "In the beginning" and in this passage "While they were there the TIME came"...God is the one who started the clock on earth. Since He has always been and always will be, someone had to wind the clock for his creation. She mentions that when time began...the clock was ticking, anticipating that moment. The moment when our Savior took his first fleshly breath and cried. Thoughts flooded my mind in those words. This was THE pivotal moment for us. The moment that GRACE flooded this planet and prophecy was fulfilled. Everything changed...HOPE flooded this planet. And I am thankful.

But what the writer goes on to share really stirred my heart. She focuses on Luke 2:19 "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Ponder (Sumballo) in this verse describes taking many things, casting them together, and considering them as one. She paints a beautiful, brief story of Mary and what she had been through in the previous 9 months to this historical moment. Then she shares, that what has held them all together is the faithfulness of God. 

The past year began to flood my mind. I have many pieces that have come together. I have seen ways that God has brought about a bigger picture and given redemption for some of the pain. There are pieces of my puzzle that are complete. 

But there are many that are not. They are laying scattered out on the table, separated. Some of them are really ugly. It doesn't seem like they will ever fit into a beautiful picture. It seems like there is no hope of a Redemption for the pain or heartache. At least not from my viewpoint. 

But, when the Great Redeemer, the Faithful One, is the one who sits at the table and picks those pieces up and starts placing them at the right moment, in the right place, with the other pieces that "fit" together, the picture is slowly revealed. And it is beautiful! 

I have been in a place of sitting back and looking at the scattered pieces lately. I feel restless. I am waiting for some of pieces to come together revealing the next part of my story. And in God's time, it will.

Back to my devotional...she wraps it up by letting us know that God does not view our life by the pieces, but by the wholeness of our life. The completeness of it. He sees all those pieces put in place in the puzzle of our lives, as if it were already done. And he is saying, "My daughter, My bride...you just wait! Wait until you see what I see! It is more beautiful than anything you could imagine!"

Lord Jesus, 
Give me the perspective of Sumballo...because my hope in you says it is already put together. 
You have the end result of my pain, my dreams, my good and my bad, already planned as though it is done. 
You have been a faithful, loving Father and I am grateful! You are my Redeemer and you will use each and every circumstance in my life for my good. 
You have HOPE laid out in front of me. 
Your plans for me are GOOD. 
My time is in your hands. And you are trust worthy and you are good. 
Thank you Jesus for the truths of your word that I can plant my feet on and rest assured that you WILL REDEEM my ashes for something beautiful! 
I am counting on it. 
Thank you JESUS for your hope!

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