Just Me

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

A lesson learned??

How obedient am I?? How far out of my comfort zone am I willing to go in order to do something that God is calling me to do?? What "personal rights" do I cling to that He is telling me to give to him??

These questions went through my mind tonight as a stranger, well sort of, sat in my living room visiting my husband. Here is a little background...

She (I will not name her, because I know she didn't do this for her glorification, but God's) attends church with my Aunt. My Aunt has had Dave on her church prayer list for a long time. Their church has been praying, and specifically our stranger friend for us for quite a while. This new friend's husband works with my mom. So, we ARE connected, but have never met.

The Lord gave her a burden for Dave and our situation. A VERY heavy burden. A few months ago, he laid it on her heart to write Dave a letter. My husband rarely cries, but this brought tears to both of our eyes as I read the words speaking of how great the Father's love is for us. In that moment, it was exactly what he needed. 

Obedience...what IF she hadn't done what God called her to do??

She shared with us how the Lord has made our situation, very real to her, she has been burdened and spent time thinking of the details of what we are dealing with. She has had cancer herself, and though she has been physically healed of it, she knows some of what we are battling. 

She called me last night though, to see if she could come and meet us and speak with Dave about what the Lord laid on her heart. She reassured me she wasn't "some stalker lady" and that this was "very much out of her comfort zone", but felt so pressed to do this. I could not deny something that I felt was straight from the heart of God for us. So I welcomed her...

I am not going to go into detail as to what she shared...BUT it was EXACTLY what Dave needed to hear in this moment. I have had 2 things on my heart for him that I want to see him be able to process before he passes and what she shared were exactly those things! God was ALL over this visit. She put it like this "God doesn't work in a singular fashion, He is always working in multiple levels"!
He worked in her life, stretching her to do something that was so hard for her personality...but I have a feeling she went home blessed beyond words for her obedience...God is going to use this willing woman!!!
It blessed me as these 2 things are the things I want him to be able to rest in and find peace about. Thank you Jesus for hearing my prayers! 
It brought tears to my husband's eyes as he sat hearing not just the voice of our stranger friend, but the voice of his loving Savior, reassuring a heavy heart! WOW! God you are SO good!

So, here is my next thought..."What would have happened if she didn't listen?" She had a choice. She didn't have to call these people who might think she is off her rocker or could reject such a crazy idea. I guarantee the enemy danced in her mind trying to talk her out of it. And I bet even after she called and determined to visit us, she had doubts. Truth is, I don't know every ripple effect that tonight's conversation is going to have in the days ahead. BUT I do know that God blesses our obedience.
I do know that his sweet child of his, that walked into our home tonight to tell us what God had so clearly told her to share, is blessed because she obeyed.
I do know that I cried tears of assurance and joy, knowing that God has heard prayers and He sometimes works in ways outside of the box to answer those prayers! There were moments tonight that I wanted to shout "Praise you Jesus" while she spoke because it was EXACTLY what my husband needed to hear from His Father!
I do know my husband was deeply touched, to the point of tears. I know it was what God had for him. I know he has some peace in his mind and heart tonight that he didn't have before our stranger friend walked into our home.

Now, the million dollar question..."What about me....& you!?" As she spoke, I thought, "Would I do this?" Would I call a stranger and ask them to share what God has laid on my heart for them??

My heart's desire is to glorify God with my life and point others to Him...but what happens when that takes me WAY out of my comfort zone?? I have to admit, every week when I get up to lead our group in Bible study, my stomach still knots up and I have to push past some things. I struggle WAY too much with what people think of me. I compare myself WAY to much to everyone else. I have conversations in my head (YES that is normal!) telling myself, "You are not Beth Moore or Lysa Terkeurst..you are Stephanie Szalla...BE HER! That is who God made you to be for YOUR specific work!" Seriously, this happens a LOT! And sometimes I lose that battle...

But what would I do if I felt God nudging me to approach the mom in line behind me at Wal-Mart and tell her "God loves you so much that he died for you"? Would I? I struggle with anger and bitterness. I can say that with a lot of work on the Holy Spirit's part, I am free of that bondage. But I am very much aware of how easy I slip into that...I have some people in my life that are EHSR (Extra Holy Spirit Required)...Do you have some of those? They REALLY press my buttons. They hit me where it hurts most-usually when they hurt my kids! What happens when I am wounded by these EHSR's and I have a RIGHT to be angry?? What do I do when God says, "Put aside your rights, trust me, FORGIVE!" hmmm...

The challenge to me, and to you tonight...How far will we go to obey our Father? We have a Savior that was "Obedient to death-even death on a cross" Phil.2:8 What if Jesus made the choice to only be partially obedient to our Father-His Father?? God is SO worthy of our love and obedience...When he calls us to do something, HE will empower us to do it! What is holding me back? What about you?

One of my fears in this process is that I miss what God is trying to teach me in this journey...I think this is one of those learning sessions...am I all in or not? How obedient am I?? 

May our prayer be, "God, I am all yours, completely. NO holding back. Make clear to me what you want me to do, then empower me to do it!" 

And get ready, because when we obey, God is gonna bless our socks off! 

Thank you sweet, stranger friend, sister in Jesus! Your boldness was a gift that can never be repaid! Praying that God will bless you more than you blessed us!


  1. Thanks for sharing this uplifting/challenging true story! God's work to keep you steady and focused on Him is so encouraging to me. I love you & I'm praying for you often, Steph!