Just Me

Monday, April 8, 2013

A New Way of Serving...

I am a wife who serves. I ALWAYS fixed his morning cup of coffee. I always packed his lunch. I did his laundry, cleaned his house, did the banking, shopping, paid the bills, cooking...I have been a stay-at-home mom and my attitude has willingly been one of serving. I have tried to make his life easy for him in those areas. 

I am serving my husband still...till his last breath, I will serve him. I can't remember the last cup of coffee I fixed for him. Coffee has been one of our connections. When we were first married, he had a Tim Horton's minutes from his house! We frequented there much more than we should have. And there is something about coffee to this day, when we have shared a cup together, it stirred that "new love" feeling in me, you know, those warm fuzzy feelings...

I have always LOVED feeding my husband. I love to bake, especially desserts! And I loved sitting down and watching him enjoy what I prepared! (and he always loved being on the receiving end of these meals!) It is hard at this point...nothing sounds good. He is eating fruit pretty well, pudding, pickle spears, but I don't think there is anything I could bake with my love attached now, that he would enjoy. I struggle with crossing the line of nagging him, trying to get him to eat. I know his body does not need the nutrition at this point. It is part of the natural process. He will eat when he wants to and if he doesn't that is ok. This is a very hard mindset for me. A totally new way of serving. 

I now sit down once a week and prepare his pills instead of his meals. We have changed a few of his meds since switching over to hospice. I am thankful that they changes seem to have helped him and he is pleased. 

When I am folding his laundry each week, I wonder how many more times I will serve him in this way. It is becoming more real all the time...

Today I had a tough conversation with Dave that I dreaded...we had to talk about his final wishes. One of his concerns is leaving me in the financial position that I am being left in and there are options for us and some are a lot less expensive.  So he is considering those things and deciding what he wants. I will honor his wishes, even if it is not the easiest route financially. As we talked, I cried. I was staring into my future...the heart break of the inevitable. 

This is the last way I will serve my husband and I reassured him that I will serve him well. I reminded him of my love for him and I am thankful that God brought us together. I would gladly have served him for the rest of my life! 

In honor of my husband, serve someone well today...serve with a smile and a lot of love! No one is promised tomorrow...

1 comment:

  1. Stephanie,
    You are amazing!!! I am still praying for you and your husband!!! I will honor you both!!!