Today it happened.
And even though it didn't surprise me and I expected it today. It hits. And it hits hard.
Treatments are done. Hospice has been called.
Dave is nearing the end of his life on this earth. I am walking this road beside him. We are each travelling the same road and yet our own at the same time. Today we turned a different direction in this. It is strange how your mind begins processing things differently in such a brief moment. Emotions flood. The mind races. A "to-do" list begins forming. People are contacted. Phone calls are made. It is so surreal...
Dave has fought this disease for over 3 years now. He is tired. He hurts. And he knows who is waiting for him on the other side and he is ready to see his Savior. His prayer is that there be "A Quick Resolution". My prayer is that God reigns his mercy and takes him home quickly. Dave has nothing to lose and everything to gain. It is unfathomable that he is SO close to seeing Jesus face to face. He is so close to actually KNOWING what we can't begin to comprehend! What a beautiful and comforting thought! PRAISE GOD!!!
But he is leaving many behind. God has a plan for me! He has a future filled with his HOPE for me! I know the road in front of me is heavy and long. There are still moments when I want to get off this path...I want a different journey. I question "Why? Why did God allow Dave and I to meet if he was just going to take him home in less then 8 years of marriage?" I became a single mom when I turned 30, and now at 41, I will be doing it again, just with a different name- "Widow".
But you know, I have learned things in this marriage that I do not think I ever would have learned any other way. God has lead me to the place he wants me. Our marriage has been hard. We have had a lot of heartache in these 8 years together. But we have had a lot of laughs too! I told him the other day "It has been a fun adventure!" And it has. I joke that our love language is "Sarcasm"...I LOVE his humor (as sick as it is at times) and his laugh and smile!! We have made memories together that I will never forget. I am thankful!
One day cancer entered our world. And God has used it to transform this woman into a Jesus Girl that I didn't know could exist. I have learned the love of God in a way I never knew it before-THROUGH CANCER! I have seen the hand of God miraculously reach out to me in deep, personal ways. It is SO humbling and I am forever grateful! I have been able to walk through darkness with joy and a peace that surpasses all understanding. The best way to describe this journey has been,
I am losing my spouse. My heart is broken. It breaks for him and what he is going through physically, mentally, emotionally. Daily, I watch it happen. It is SO hard when it is someone you love. The difference for me in this is that my hope is not found in this world...if you put on your "earth glasses" the trials in this life can look pretty hopeless. But when you choose to see things through the light of the Word of God, and you put on "Jesus glasses" everything changes! I am SO thankful for that hope!
I have SEEN the hands and feet of Jesus in my life through so many that are reaching out to us. Whether it is a meal, prayer, a visit, a hug, financial help, a song...THAT is what the church is about...LOVING like Jesus loves us. DOING what he has called us to do. I will never be able to repay all that has been done for me, BUT I will use all I have learned to encourage other women who walk a hard life path! That is my heart for ministry! And it has been birthed through cancer...Romans 8:28 is so true!
I do not know how long he has...there are times that I want more time talking to him, one more dinner out with him, one more movie on the couch with him, one more time to attend church with him. Folks, don't take life for granted! And more important than that...make sure you KNOW Jesus personally. None of us are ever going to be good enough for heaven, it is only through the blood of God's son, We have to ask him to forgive us and come into our hearts and save us. We have to trust in him to be our Savior! THEN you can KNOW what Dave and I know and rest assured that heaven awaits!
The following verse pretty much sums it up for me today...I do not lose heart! This world and everything in it can be gone in a moment! BUT I have a hope that I can not even begin to understand on this earth!
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore, we do not lose heart. though outwardly we are wasting way, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Though my heart is heavy, I can rejoice FOR my husband! His troubles are almost over and he gets Jesus for all of eternity! PRAISE YOU JESUS!!!