Just Me

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Lots of Tears Tonight...

Tonight has been a hard night for me. And honestly, it is issues too personal to air in "Blog land". I have cried lots of tears and had some deep heartache. 

The first sob session tonight was just pain from words spoken. Oh, how our words can wound...and thankfully our words can be a sweet salve to our soul as well. I needed an ear, so I called my cousin and she reassured me of things and promised prayer. I am so thankful for people that I know will not just be there, but encourage me first and foremost, spiritually. They point me to Jesus! I have to admit that the tears were cleansing...I think they needed to spill. Maybe it is possible to need to cry even when you don't think you do!

The next set of tears were over pain for someone I love dearly. Again, too private to reveal here. But the ache is deep and my heart is heavy. The tears flowed and have not stopped flowing. I think it may be a long night...

One reason I write, is it helps me to redirect my thoughts! So, how do I end this deeply personal, yet very vague post??

First of all, confession is good for the soul...so here is my confession. I EASILY fall into bitterness. The things that happened to me tonight are a breeding ground for anger and bitterness. I truly believe, that if I give in to those thoughts and follow my aching heart, I have an open door for the enemy to come in and steal what God is doing in my life. I am asking you all to lift me in prayer. Pray that the enemy is bound! That the only voice I can hear is the truth from the word of God. God has done so many amazing things in this process and I believe he has many more to do. Nothing would please the enemy more than to minimize what God wants to do in my life. So, please pray for me to CHOOSE God's way. To not give the enemy even a pinky toe in the door of my heart!

Now, some positive truths to focus on...

GOD loves me. 
Tonight when I lay my head down to sleep, He will embrace me. 
He sees me. 
He is collecting every one of those tears that fell tonight in a bottle! My tears are that precious to Him...
He promises to never leave me nor forsake me. 
He carries my burdens. 
God LOVES me!!!
He promises beauty for my ashes. Dancing for my mourning. A garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. 
He will redeem what the enemy steals.
He is hope. 
He is my sure foundation.
He is the Comforter and my peace. 
God loves ME!!
He is a sword and shield. 
He is my deliverer. 
He is strength. 
He is victory. 
He has a purpose and a plan for me and IT IS GOOD!
He is my provider. 
He heals! 
He died for me and I am promised eternal life because I have trusted him as my Savior!

Thank you dear friends! Thank you for reading my words, for praying for me, and for sharing my story! I really do love to tell what God is doing in my life! I am thankful for those of you that are on this journey with me! 


  1. I have read several of your blogs and am so very sorry for what you and your husband are going through. Life is too short. I don't know you and I was told about your blogs through a friend of mine. I knew your ex-husband and I could tell of an emptiness when I spoke of his children. I do know that he always has wanted to be a part of their life but, could never get past all the obstacles that were put in front of him(I know as time goes on and destinies are realized he has always loved and cared for them)....I have since relocated....and I just wanted people to know that yes God is our heavenly father but their earthly father has always loved them. Good day and God Bless you all!

  2. Anonymous, I don't see any reference to her ex husband in this post, not do I recall ever hearing her speak of him here. I think it is inappropriate for you to make reference to his relationship (or apparently lack thereof) on this blog when that is obviously personal. I'm sure you could tell her children that message instead of sharing it on a public forum and throwing in thinly veiled defenses of something that's never been mentioned here. Just my two cents. Have a blessed dash.